I'm Too Sexy
by slick1969
Summary: Chapter 2 is up - I had originally planned this as one chapter, but decided Mac would want to return the favor.
1. Default Chapter

I'm Too Sexy 

Disclaimer:  I don't own them.  Only in my wildest dreams LOL.

Summary:  No plot necessary, just a little smutfic involving the song by Right Said Fred, which I don't own either.  Mac has had a bad day and Harm knows just the thing to make her feel better.

Rating:  PG-13

Monday Evening Harm's Apartment 

Mac juggled her briefcase and purse, trying to get to her keys.  In the process, she dropped her cover on the floor.  "Great.  Just great," she muttered. Just another thing to add to her bad mood.  She had lost some files for a case, forcing her to spend the morning in the law library.  Then a key witness for that afternoon's court martial went UA.  Nothing went right.

The high point of her day was getting to see Harm.  Since they started openly dating, circumstances conspired to keep them apart.  First she was assigned to defend a Marine in a court martial at Fort Bragg, North Carolina.  As soon as she returned, Harm was sent to the _Patrick Henry for a JAGman investigation._

He had come back in earlier that afternoon, but didn't have to return to JAG until Tuesday.  He had called and promised her an evening with "just the two of them."

She finally got her keys in the door, and walked in the living room. "Hey there, flyboy." The lights were dimmed, and Harm was nowhere to be seen.  Suddenly she saw the CD player light up and the beginning of a familiar song.

I'm too sexy for my love, too sexy for my love Love's going to leave me… 

Harm slid into the living room and began dancing.  Mac couldn't control her laughter as she fell onto the sofa.  He was dressed in casual clothes with a baseball cap on.  He kept moving rhythmically as the song continued.

_I'm__ too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt (he stripped off his shirt)_

_So sexy it hurts_… (he rubbed his hands up and down his now bare chest)__

Mac was convulsed with giggles; tears sprang to her eyes as she tried to keep from falling off the couch.

And I'm too sexy for Milan, too sexy for Milan New York and Japan 

_And__ I'm too sexy for your party, too sexy for your party_

_No way I'm disco dancing_

_I'm__ a model you know what I mean _

_And I do my little turn on the catwalk  (he spun and gyrated his hips)_

_Yeah on the catwalk, on the catwalk yeah _

I do my little turn on the catwalk I'm too sexy for my car, too sexy for my car 

_Too sexy by far _

_And__ I'm too sexy for my hat, too sexy for my hat (Harm flung his cap at Mac and kept dancing)_

_What do you think about that _

Through her amusement, Mac was beginning to get aroused; the man really did know how to move.

_I'm__ a model you know what I mean _

_And__ I do my little turn on the catwalk _

_Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah _

_I shake my little tush on the catwalk_

He wiggled his rear and Mac reached out and smacked it lightly.

"Hey, no touching the dancer," he cried and moved away from her.

I'm too sexy for my, too sexy for my, too sexy for my 'Cos I'm a model you know what I mean 

_And__ I do my little turn on the catwalk _

_Yeah on the catwalk yeah on the catwalk yeah _

_I shake my little tush on the catwalk _

He glided in close to her and pinched her rear, then slipped out of his jeans. Clad only in boxers, he swung into the finale 

_I'm__ too sexy for my cat, too sexy for my cat _

_Poor pussy poor pussy cat _

_I'm__ too sexy for my love, too sexy for my love _

_Love's__ going to leave me _

And I'm too sexy for this song 

He collapsed on the sofa beside Mac and kissed her firmly on the lips.

"Harm, you are too sexy for your own good.  What am I going to do with you?" she teased.


	2. Ms Jackson If You're

Ms. Jackson If You're … 

Disclaimer: Don't own them, and never will.

Summary: After Harm's "gift" of a dance, Mac decides to return the favor.

Rating: PG-13****

**Friday Night**

**Harm's Apartment**

Mac turned the key in the lock. _Good. I beat him here,_ Mac thought to herself. 

She had slipped out of JAG headquarters about fifteen minutes before Harm's usual departure time. She locked the door behind her.

Meanwhile, she had a few preparations to make before he got to the apartment. She changed out of her uniform into something more appropriate, and put a CD in the player. She lit a few candles and turned off the lamps.

The doorknob turned, and Harm walked in.

Harm squinted as he walked through the living room. Then his eyes finally adjusted to the dim lighting and he saw Mac leaning against the kitchen counter.

"Have a seat," she said in a throaty whisper. Harm was too startled to do anything but obey. From behind her back, Mac hit "play" on the CD remote and the music began.__

_Gimme a beat!_

She danced toward him, wearing a black satin teddy, fishnet stockings, and a biker cap.__

_Sittin' in the movie show_

_Thinkin' nasty thoughts_

_Better be a gentleman_

_Or you'll turn me off_ she waggled a finger at him__

_That's right, lemme tell it_

_Nasty, nasty boys, don't mean a thing_

_Oh you nasty boys_

_Nasty, nasty boys, don't ever change_

_Oh you nasty boys_

_I don't like no nasty girl _

_I don't like nasty food _She rolled her eyes at him and whispered, "You know what I'm talking about."__

_The only nasty thing I like _

_Is a nasty groove _

_Will this one do? _

_Uh huh, I know... say... _

_Nasty, nasty boys, don't mean a thing _She strutted in front of him and swung and gyrated to the beat__

_Oh you nasty boys_

_Nasty, nasty boys, don't ever change_

_Oh you nasty boys_

_Nasty, nasty boys, gimme a nasty groove_

_Nasty, nasty boys, lemme see your nasty body move _She pulled Harm up to a standing position and danced up and down his body__

_I could learn to like this, listen up ..._

_I'm not a prude, I just want some respect_

_So close the door if you want me to respond _

_Cause privacy is my middle name _

_My last name is control _Harm muttered, "Now that's a shock," and then winked at Mac.__

_No, my first name ain't baby, _

_It's Janet... Ms. Jackson if you're nasty _

_Nasty, nasty boys, don't mean a thing_

_Oh you nasty boys_

_Nasty, nasty boys, don't ever change_

_Oh you nasty boys_

_Nasty boys don't mean a thing_

_Oh you nasty boys don't mean a thing to me_

_Nasty ... don't mean a thing_

_Oh you nasty boys _

_(I like this part)_

During the musical interlude, Mac pushed Harm back down on the sofa and proceeded to give him a lap dance as good as any "professional."

_Hey! Who's that thinkin' nasty thoughts? Nasty boys!_

_Who's that in that nasty car? Nasty boys!_

_Who's that eatin' that nasty fruit? Nasty boys! _And she grabbed some grapes and began feeding him.__

_Who's jammin' to my nasty groove? Nasty boys!_

_Ladies? Nasty boys don't mean a thing_

_Oh you nasty boys..._

After the music stopped, Harm pulled her to him and kissed her. "What a great surprise! What brought this on?"

"If you remember, a few weeks ago, someone was kind enough to brighten my day. I thought I'd return the favor."

"And do you remember what happened after the 'favor'?" Harm began nuzzling her cheek.

"Of course ..." her voice was muffled as they began kissing again.


End file.
